It’s Monday morning and I am so lucky I don’t have to work we had a glorious weekend and now I am reflecting. I took my 15 year old with a couple of her friends and stayed in Denver for the weekend they all behaved and it went very well. The weather was amazing we got out of the snow for a couple of days and I feel that I was able to get a little bit of alone time. Miss Daisy sitting pretty between the girls! She is loving life.
The voices are creeping back they have been chattering all weekend if I had made better choices as a young adult, If I had raised my children differently or most of all if I had never started drinking. Knowing very well the damage that has been done to my children, myself and the people around me during my very dark days. Easter really brings these memories back as we always celebrated Easter with a large party. My daughter’s birthday is around Easter it comes at the end of our season and always an excuse for a large get together with friends and family. As you can imagine Easter is very different for me now. I reflected on my life how grateful I am to be sober and to be there when needed for my family. For the first time in along time I am really working at being a upstanding citizen and a good role model. Am I succeeding its hard to tell the voices say no I am failing miserably. The first thing that needs to be done is to quiet the voices. They will never dissipate completely but a dull roar would be nice. Walking my dogs always helps I try to take them to a solitary place so they can run and I don’t have to think or talk of course this dosen’t always happen but its so pleasant when it does.Yoga is a option I have tried a couple of times but I don’t believe I was in the right frame of mind.
Meditation is what they recommended in re-hab which works if you can find the right moment. So many things thrown into life’s journey, my sister’s illness my youngest daughters age and personality and my oldest daughter’s life abroad. My head fills up so much that self medicating sounds so inciting that I have a difficult time ignoring it.
Gratitude, hard work and finding the joy in every day life is the only self medicating allowed so here I go on a quest to quiet the voices. Remi and I are going to start yoga and of course I want pretty mats and bags if I am going to complete this endeavor. Henrietta’s Hippo has some beautiful yoga items so I am in luck stylish we will be.
One last thing before I go Easter was spent yesterday with my sister in law and her family for dinner. One of the best things besides my children that came from my marriage is my sister in law. Maureen was married to my ex-brother in law who makes my ex-husband look like a saint which says it all we have remained friends and she is truly more like a sister to me than my own. I am so grateful to Maureen she is a contant support even though she has her own agenda and makes me feel that I am not alone in this life. Maureen and I have celebrated so many holidays and family events together our children are months apart so we have such strong ties.
We had dinner together and she made her infamous bunny cake who knows how many she has made over the years but the bunny cake took on new meaning this Easter it made me think of events when the children were younger and the days seemed so promising and made me truly grateful to have her in my life.
From our home to yours,